Tales From My Trip: The Party

I was a little nervous when I received the invitation to the party.  It read in part, "Informal Program:  ‘Who Put the TEA in Eternity?’" and said that the special guest speaker "…is a Minister of Tea whose Ph.D. stands for ‘Pretty Hot Dame.’  She did her research on the intrinsic healing qualities of large jewelry and anything leopard…".  You have to understand that to my very conservative family, this sounded like some new age production, or worse, a pre-funeral for my aunt, who has cancer.

We arrived at the party, determined to make it an upbeat affair.  It turns out we had nothing to worry about.  We socialized with the other guests, and I got to catch up with my aunt, uncle, and a couple of cousins I hadn’t seen in a while.  We had a "dinner" of cake and ice cream with every topping you can imagine.  It was delicious, but by the time the program started, we were all giddy from our sugar highs.

Then she came out.  The Rev. Dr. Toolie Rogers.  The Minster of Tea and Pretty Hot Dame.

Let me tell you, this woman was FUNNY!  She spoke of adversiTEA, humiliTEA, hilariTEA, and all the TEAs that make us who we are.  She spoke of how our memories will live on for eterniTEA.  And then she got to the memories.  Each person who came to the party filled out their ending to the following sentences:  "I could have died laughing when…" and "One moment that will live forever for me was when…"

We heard about the time my Aunt Pat drove from Oregon to Idaho…and ended up in Denver.  (I guess the lack of direction runs in the family)  Then on the way back she got caught speeding (93 in a construction zone) and ran over a pylon.  We also heard about how she would go cruising the strip with her friends in high school…and when they stopped at a stoplight, she would pretend to pick her nose.  Yes, my Aunt Pat has always been the funny one in the family.

As the presentation came to an end, my aunt was given a purple "robe" to wear.  The only think missing was the tiara.

We stuck around for a few pictures, and then it was time to head back to the hotel.  My brother, of course, didn’t trust me with directions, so we followed my Aunt Pat.  I’m not sure how wise that was.  As we drove back into town, my brother noticed that my aunt had missed the correct turn.  At the next stoplight, my brother got out of the car and rapped on my aunt’s window.  All the while, my mom was yelling from the back seat of our car, "BRAD!  BRAD!  GET BACK IN THE CAR!!!!"  I was dying laughing.

Brad got back into the car, and we began following my aunt again.  Turns out my aunts in the other car were so busy talking, they forgot to pay attention to where they were going.  No problem.  We were now on the right track.  Or so we thought.  We went right past the entrance to the condo where my mom and aunts were staying.  Brad had a frustrated look on his face, but kept following Aunt Pat.  She pulled into a nearby church parking lot, and started doing donuts with her car.  Yes, my sixty-something aunt was doing donuts in a church parking lot.

Brad and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, so we did our own donuts.  My mom was still freaking out in the back seat.

We made it back to the condo and said goodnight to everyone.  You’d think this was the highlight of the trip, but there’s more.  Stay tuned for "Breakfast".

Oh, and did I mention that my family is weird?  We’re a lot of fun, though.