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I’ve been absolutely dreading this week’s assignment at Wrapped Emotions. I usually post my Wrapped Emotions post on Thursdays, and here it is Thursday night. I’m just now getting to my assignment. What has me so scared? Facing my fears. Rather, admitting my fears.
Yes, that’s the assignment this week. Find a place of trust and face your fears. Not enjoyable, but definitely important.
At first I thought I would have a hard time finding a place of trust. I live in a small house, and it seems there’s always someone around. Our schedule isn’t real consistent, so I don’t have a particular time where I can count on being alone. As I continued to mull this project over in my mind this week, I came to the realization that my trust is in Christ, and the where and when don’t matter much.
You see, I thought about this project and my fears while driving my children to soccer practice, while laying in bed at night, even in the shower. Even though I rarely have 30 minutes alone at one time, I found that I take advantage of small chunks of time to talk things over with my Savior.
That takes care of the where and when. Now to the what. The part that I dread.
What are my fears? I fear for the future of my children. What if they don’t learn to love the Lord? That really scares me, even though they both seem to be on the right track. I fear for my husband’s health. His blood pressure has been high for the last few months. What if he dies and leaves me a young widow with no means to support the kids? And more importantly, what would I do without my best friend?
I fear for our finances. We’ve been through a rough time this year, and it’s not getting a lot better. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve been getting by, but it’s hard to see my husband go off to a job where things aren’t going well, and wondering if another job change is on the horizon. I don’t mind the job changes, as long as my husband is happy, but it’s hard not knowing if things are going to work out.
When I look over my list, my fears all boil down to one thing. Do I really trust that God’s plan is the best for my life? I mean really trust? Sometimes I do. But a lot of times I don’t. A lot of times, in my human-ness, I think my way is the best way, and God should just go along with it. There. I’m being totally honest. And I know I’m totally wrong.
I long to have the faith of Horatio Spafford, who wrote they hymn It is Well With my Soul. In the face of great tragedy, he was able to say “Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Oh my soul!” As I spend a moment, pondering the great truths in that hymn, I am humbled. My way is not the best way. God’s way is. And no matter how hard the road ahead may be, my prayer is that God would mold me, as the potter molds the clay, and that one day, He may look into my face and say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. That’s all that matters.
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melody says:
Your honesty…I realize how difficult that can be. Thank you for sharing despite your fear of doing so. You, and others, are teaching me lessons in trust and faith this week.
Funny, I threw out the assignment and I can’t seem to bring myself to complete it. I’ve frozen mid path. Thank you for posting and help urge me forward.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:55 am
melody says:
Well, that first statement above sounds like I think you are a dishonest person . LOL I only meant being honest with lack of trust in God’s way…which is where I’ve been.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:57 am
De in Paradise says:
I too put this off. And finding a quiet sactuary? Not in my house either. I’m glad you were able to find the strength to face your fears, let the Lord work, and be so open and honest in your post.
~Blessings
September 28th, 2007 at 7:10 am
Kandy says:
awesome post Lynnae…love the video, had no idea of the history behind that song.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:06 am
Stacy says:
Beautifully written of your journey in Faith, and putting your trust in God. I know it is hard to do when times are hard. It is hard to see the grand plan when bad things happen. Thank you for sharing.
September 28th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Kim says:
I too have been guilty of feeling that God should do along with my plans. In the end His are usually better though.
I am glad you were able to squeeze in a few moments to reflect on your fears and complete this week’s assignment.
September 28th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
EA says:
Trusting is so hard for me too. Thank-you for sharing the music, it is a balm to my soul.
September 29th, 2007 at 3:23 am
Lynnae says:
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone!
September 29th, 2007 at 8:04 am
phyllis@imabima says:
a beautiful post. thank you for sharing it. even though i don’t share the same faith, i too share that fear that my children won’t grow to love God the way that i do, that my children won’t find comfort and consolation in my tradition and teachings the way that i do. the music and poetry of the video was beautiful, thank you for introducing it to me. i wept at the faith of this man.
September 29th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Jennifer Partin says:
That is one of my favorite hymns!! God gives grace for the moment—not too early not too ahead. Beautiful and inspiring post!
September 30th, 2007 at 5:01 am
Sara says:
amen, thats what it is right.
beth moore says in her study of job, whats the worst that can happen everything that we fear, and ll in the same day
so what? God has promised to take care of us, to get us through.
im trying really hard, I know God is way more than enough, and i know that he died for me, what more could he do
but then i still wrangle with the whole, “like, i need a week in advance before the next big thing, you know, to like prepare, so im not like so shocked…please”
thanks for sharing ill pray for your fears
September 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
childlife says:
Lynnae - As always, I am blessed on a heart-level by what you have written. I love the way you shared about carving out alone time, one moment at a time, and cobbling them together. I need to do better at this!
I totally identified with the ‘week in advance’ concept too - made me laugh at myself! I am a planner and I need to put soooo much more emphasis on being a truster.
The video you shared - you cannot know how very deeply that resonated with me. After writing my post, I felt utterly drained - and I came here. I was too overwhelmed to comment last night. That little video was an absolute gift. On the night my husband and I found that we might lose Jacqui during our pregnancy and that she would have a severe birth defect if she survived, we sought solace in that song. We huddled together and sang it with cracking voices and streaming tears. I know the story of Horatio Spafford very well, but I had never seen this video. I am blessed beyond words and so grateful for you!
September 30th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Angie says:
Wow, read my reaction to this project and then reread yours. We both have the “what if” syndrome. It’s all about surrendering control to God, isn’t it? Let’s keep surrendering together. We are in His faithful care. I heard someone say that when we get to Heaven and fully grasp His love, we will say, “Oh Lord, if only I would have realized how much you love me, I wouldn’t have been so fearful.” Thanks for sharing.
BTW, I LOVE your blog. Nice to meet you, Angie
September 30th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Julie says:
I love that hymn, and your post. we sure have made Dr. Phil look lazy with all our “WE” blog posts on this subject, but I love it. You really took a step of faith sharing so openly, thank you.
October 1st, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Jenny is Live & in Color says:
I especially relate to the struggle with finances. I like to have things orderly and under control, and money just refuses to co-operate!
It is Well is one of my faves. Truly, grace is measured out only in the amount we need at the time and for the situation.
October 4th, 2007 at 5:30 am
Lynnae says:
@Jenny - “Truly, grace is measured out only in the amount we need at the time and for the situation.” You are absolutely right!
Thanks everyone!
October 4th, 2007 at 7:04 am