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I watch Survivor. It’s one of my guilty pleasures. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I were to be a contestant on the show. I just know I could do better than a lot of people who end up on the show. I know it! Join me as I imagine what would happen if I were a contestant on Survivor.
1. I would come dressed in comfortable clothes and good running shoes. And I would be wearing my best sport bra. Jeff would announce that the contestants would go to camp wearing only the clothes on their back, and I’d be ready! No wearing a low cut dress and 6 inch stilettos for me! Comfortably arriving at camp….
2. I wouldn’t take control. Everyone knows the leader always gets voted out first. But….
3. I’d get frustrated by a lack of leadership, and then I would take control. But I’d be nice about it. Lots of “please” and “thank you” would be coming out of my mouth. After successfully leading my team in building a shelter, I’d be hungry, but….
4. We wouldn’t have any food. So I’d starve. I don’t do well when I’m hungry. So….
5. I’d probably get a migraine. And then…
6. I’d puke on national television. That’s my worst nightmare. I hate to puke. Doing it on television would make it that much worse. Night would fall. It would probably start raining. And I’m not contractor, so the shelter I led the team to build would probably fall apart. And…
7. I’d be cold. The team would be cold. And they would blame me.
8. I’d wake up in the morning with a fresh attitude. We’d have to go to our first immunity challenge. It would probably be a swimming challenge. I don’t swim particularly well. So…
9. I’d be the reason our team would lose the first challenge. They’d make a plot to get rid of me. Then…..
10. I’d scramble around trying to get everyone to vote for someone else at tribal council. We’d go to tribal council, and Jeff would ask me how things are going. By this point I’d be tired, hungry, and emotional. So….
11. I’d burst into tears and cry like a baby. I’d tell Jeff how much my team hates me. Then Jeff would call for the vote. When my turn comes up, I’d head up to vote, and….
12. I’d probably write my own name down. Who else could I vote for? I built a bad shelter and lost the first challenge. When the voting was over, Jeff would read the votes, and for the first time in Survivor history, there would be a unanimous vote for one person. Jeff would say, “Lynnae, the tribe has spoken.” He’d snuff out my torch, and I would….
13. Praise God that I’d get to eat dinner and sleep in a warm bed!
Maybe I’m not cut out for Survivor after all.
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Deb - Mom of 3 Girls says:
I don’t watch Survivor, but I still love your list!
October 10th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
beth says:
This had me laughing out loud. I love it! I watch Survivor too and when I saw you title I thought you were going to outline a winning strategy. I think its a lot more likely to go like you wrote! LOL
October 10th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
marcia says:
i say go for it
October 10th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Rebecca says:
#1 - Amen to that!!! Do these people just not watch the show? My Hubby and I were in shock that they show up with these no bra, strapless, spaghetti straps, high heels, low cut, too short, etc….EVERYONE knows you have to wear what you show up with, it has been that way 3 seasons in a row…..I love the show, can’t wait for tonight - preview says BOTH teams go to tribal council - oh the drama!!!!
October 11th, 2007 at 6:54 am
Lynnae says:
Oooh! I didn’t see that both teams were going to tribal tonight! I missed last week’s episode, so I’m a little behind.
October 11th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Kandy says:
hilarious post!! Except Survivor rules don’t allow you to vote for yourself
And, I think you’d make it at least a few tribal councils 
October 11th, 2007 at 8:34 am
Samantha_K says:
I love Survivor. If I were on there, I’d win all the men over with my ultimate hottness (because being unwashed and unshaven is freakin’ sexy, right?) and I’d win over the ladies with my charm and wit and friendliness…then I’d kick butt in all the challenges, so they’d keep me around at least until individual challenges…And I would find a way to win. That million would look so pretty sitting in my bank account…
Great, great list!!
Happy TT!
October 11th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Paula Bellman says:
You wouldn’t be first to go, because that would be me. Almost 40 and overweight with kids at home LOL. THOSE women are the first ones to go.
We can’t watch Survivor anymore. My oldest son is just “feeling his oats” too much and the little amount of clothing those women wear is just not enough.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Rims says:
Oh liked your list and also admired your sensibile choice of clothes…I hope if you are chosen as a contestant, you have a good time and enjoy the game before being voted out, if thats inevitable, else you should win
October 11th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Kim says:
Great list. I got quite a chuckle! At least you’re realistic. My strategy would be to lay low, do well but not too well, be friendly but not too friendly, give opinions but not too strong of an opinion…. oh wait! I am describing my actual life. Geesh!
October 11th, 2007 at 11:53 am
-- a metamorphoself of gabrielle says:
Thurday Thirteen: Indonesian Desserts, Anyone?…
Happy Dessert Day!
Black Rice Dessert
Coconut Sweet Potato Cake
Indonesian Cupcakes
Spiced Fruit Salad
Multi-layered Butter Cake
Banana Fritters
Crisp Sweet Striped Cookies
Sticky Rice Cake in Brown Sugar Sauce
Sticky Rice Rolls served wit…
October 11th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Christine says:
This made me laugh out loud. Brilliant, funny post. I stopped watching Survivor long ago, but if you were on it - I just might have to tune in. I’m all about creative writing prompts this time round.
Have a great weekend, XINE
October 11th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Nicholas says:
I’ve never seen Survivor but if you ever are on it please let us all know because I’ll make a point of watching. You’d achieve celebrity status in no time!
October 11th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
ellen b says:
You are cracking me up. I would never be able to do survivor. I love to watch it though and have my lap top in my lap getting ready to watch tonights show! I can’t believe what those idiot girls wore to China…what were they thinking…
October 11th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
LuAnn says:
I don’t particularly care for “Survivor” but I think I could make it all the way through an episode now, because I’d be thinking about your list, and then I’d chuckle and everyone else would wonder what the heck I was doing. :p
October 11th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
Rebecca says:
What a tease! The preview made me think both tribes would vote someone off…oh well, LOL!!!!
October 12th, 2007 at 6:26 am
J. Lynne says:
Thanks for the giggle. I needed that. No one on that show ever looks happy in the commercials. I’d vote myself off too.
Happy TT!
October 12th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Jennifer Partin says:
I miss Survivor!! I loved that show. I haven’t seen it in 5 years—we don’t get it here. I suppose I could download it from iTunes if I weren’t so cheap.
How are you doing Lanae? I have been up and down—-still facing so many uncertainties. I feel as though I haven’t spoken or heard from you in a long time. Miss you.
Jennifer
October 12th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Karen (Pediascribe) says:
I just totally can’t figure out some of the ppl on Survivor. If they watched the show before, wouldn’t they realize how some of these things (and quirky attitudes) pan out?
And if they have never watched the show before, why are they even there? Would you sign up for something you knew nothing about?? Crazy.
That too-skinny chick is weirding me out this episode. She can’t possibly last long. I’m glad the big busted, lip-piercing girl is gone though. Whew.
October 12th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Karen (Pediascribe) says:
oops, “weirding me out this SEASON” not “episode.”
October 12th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Carrie says:
Lynnae…you kill me….I wouldn’t even TRY to be on Survivor due to the whole not eating, everyone hating me, ACK…LOL!!
October 12th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
oh amanda says:
I love it! I’m with you on the sports bra! I heard in the first season of Survivor Mark Burnett looked thru all the contestants suitcases and picked which bathing suit they would be be allowed to bring on the island–of course picking the most revealing. yuck.
October 13th, 2007 at 5:45 am
Jill says:
Survivor lovers here too. I don’t understand the clothes thing either. What are people thinking???
October 13th, 2007 at 5:50 am
Angie says:
You make me laugh!
October 13th, 2007 at 9:57 am
childlife says:
Hilarious! Love the last item on your list… at least you would be home before the ‘jungle worm eating contest’ : )
October 14th, 2007 at 1:07 pm