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I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m a doer.  And sometimes a thinker.  When I’ve really got it together, I think before I act.  And I always most of the time have good intentions.  Yes, I lead a busy life.

What is it that I do?  Well, I try to bless my husband and children by being available to them.  I read books that help me strive toward excellence.  I volunteer for school projects, agree to sing on our church’s worship team on a moment’s notice, if another singer can’t make it.  I write.  I plan.  I do.

And my intentions are usually to serve God through serving others.  But how often do I leave God behind in the dust while I’m charging forward?  I had a little wake up call in church yesterday.  The pastor was talking about loving God.  He said that service is good, as long as it’s flowing out of a love for God.  But he cautioned us not to leave God behind in our service.

When is the last time I spent some quality time with God, just reading my Bible and spending time in prayer?  I’ll admit that I pray frequently.  I’m the master of short little prayers throughout the day.  But too often, my Bible reading is an intention I never actually get around to doing.  Why?  Because I’m too busy serving God.  Does anyone else see a problem with that?

So this morning I got up to workout.  I would have read my Bible first, but I know from past experience that reading anything as soon as I wake up only serves to help me fall back to sleep.  So I worked out, and then I opened my Bible and read.  And I prayed.  I prayed that God would help me see when other things are getting in the way of my relationship with Him. 

And I remembered that familiar verse.

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

It’s been to long since I was still.  When is the last time you were still?

As I closed my Bible and set about my morning, a worship song started running through my head.  Let My Words Be Few by Matt Redman.  Just be still.  And experience God.

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Photo by audreyjm529

I’m not really sad. Definitely not depressed. But this is a new thing for me. I’ve noticed it more over the last year. When I’m happy, I want to cry. When something moves me, I want to cry. The feeling scares me.

You see, I’ve always been a rather tough person. I put up my personal walls early in life, and they’ve been walls of steel. Nothing was going to get through them. I have a great poker face, and I used to pride myself in being able to get through a tough situation without shedding a tear.

When I befriended people, it was on my terms, and I never let anyone get close enough to hurt me. The way I saw it, I’ve been hurt plenty of times in this life, and I wasn’t about to let anyone else hurt me.

All that time, though, I was hurting myself. God made us to be relational, and by shutting people out of my life, I was sidestepping His best for me.

I’m not sure what’s changed over the last year. I know blogging has helped. I’ve written things on both of my blogs that in the past I would have held deep in the recesses of my heart. And I’ve learned that people like others to be real. To admit imperfection. And I’ve learned that it’s OK to fail.

And as my walls have come crumbling down around me, I’ve found that my heart has softened as well. When I hear great news, I have trouble choking back the tears. And when something weighs heavily on my heart, the tears start to fall down my cheeks.

I think know this change is for the good. But as with any change, the new feeling scares me. I hate feeling out of control. But in reality, I was never in control in the first place, was I?

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Photo by audreyjm529

I was just sitting here thinking of what to write today, when it crossed my mind that I am saved. A child of God. Bound for heaven someday. And what did I do to deserve it?

Nothing. That’s what. Next to a pure, holy, and sinless God, I am nothing. Dirty. Filthy even. Certainly not deserving of His love. Not deserving of spending eternity with Him.

Yet God, in his grace and mercy, offered up his son to die a horrific death to save me. Me. The one who is nothing next to God. Being a parent, I cannot imagine sacrificing one of my children. Yet that’s exactly what God did.

Why? Because he loves me. Again. Because he loves me. That astounds me.

And do you know what? He loves you too. Have a blessed day.

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I was vegging out in front of the TV on Friday night, when Larry King interviewed Creflo Dollar. Creflo Dollar is one of a new breed of televangelists who preach that God wants you to be wealthy and prosperous.

But is it true? Does God really want you to be wealthy and prosperous?

I think God is more concerned with the growth of our faith than the status of our bank accounts. I also think that God sometimes (lots of times) uses trials, such as financial difficulties and health problems, to draw us closer to Him and to build upon our faith and trust in Him.

When my husband and I first got married, we decided to try to have children right away. For the first 6 months I wasn’t too concerned when I didn’t get pregnant. 6 more months went by, and I was beginning to get concerned. I went to go see a doctor, who prescribed a low-level fertility drug. Surely I’d get pregnant right away, I thought. I was wrong.

The next 6 months were very hard on me, physically and emotionally. The fertility drug had some pretty awful side effects, and I just didn’t feel good. I had twice a month doctor’s visits. And I cried. Buckets.

I was also angry with God. My faith wasn’t as strong then as it is now. I couldn’t understand what I did to God that he would punish me by withholding children from me. I swung wildly between getting angry with God and being ashamed that I was angry with God.

Had it not been for the wisdom of my husband, who insisted I talk to one of our pastors about this, I may have walked away from my faith in God. Scary stuff. Fortunately, after several long talks with the pastor, I was back on the right track. Not that the infertility was any easier, but at least I understood that God could deal with my anger and work through it, as long as I was still talking to Him.

Looking back 12 years and two children later, I’m still easily brought to tears, thinking about what a difficult time that was. I can’t listen to Wes King’s We Thought You’d Be Here without bawling my head off.

On the other hand, when I look back at those desperate years, I can see God guiding me along and growing my faith. After our daughter was born, we started trying for a second child. We tried for two years before I got pregnant and miscarried. It was another year before I got pregnant with my son. We always thought we’d have a third child, but it seems that’s not in the plans for us. And that’s OK.

The thing is, through each month of not getting pregnant, through my miscarriage, I was continually faced with this question:

Do I still trust God, even if my life doesn’t turn out the way that I think it should? Even if I never have another child, do I still trust Him? Or is my faith dependent upon what He gives me?

In the end, after all of the trials, after we ended up with two children instead of three, I can honestly say that I do trust Him. But it took years of suffering for me to get to that point.

Over the last year, we’ve been faced with financial trials. Again, it’s not been easy, but again, I’ve seen my faith grow by leaps and bounds.

My point is this. If it is true that God wants us to be wealthy and prosperous, what does that say about the Christians who are not wealthy? Who are not healthy? Are they doing something wrong? That’s where my problem lies. I don’t believe they are. I don’t believe that I was doing anything more wrong than any other Christian when I couldn’t get pregnant.

I’m a sinner. Always have been and always will be. And so is everyone else. But God knew that in MY life, the best way to get through to me was to send me through a bad trial. And it worked, because God knows best.

I’m thankful that God was and is more interested in my faith than my comfort. I never want to get so comfortable that I stop growing. I never want to get so comfortable that I forget I need God.

I do believe that God does bless people with health and financial wealth. But I also believe that He chooses not to bless others in that way. And God in His sovereignty knows what is best for each individual.

Playing the “name it and claim it” game can lead to bad consequences. If God doesn’t bless you with what you ask for, it can leave you wondering what you’ve done wrong. And perhaps you’ve done nothing wrong. Perhaps God just wants to bless you in a different area, and He’s using the trial in your life to do so.

To quote the apostle Paul,

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

May we all see Christ’s power and grace today.

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This is the week I reveal my goals. And this is the year I learn how to follow through on goals. I’m learning that having goals is an important part in moving forward in any area in life, and it’s high time I learn how to set goals and then take the steps I need to take to achieve those goals.

Since I will be focusing on faith on Mondays, I’ll give you my goals for my spiritual life today.

• Set up a regular quiet time. My quiet time has fallen apart since my son was born. Sadly, that was 5 years ago. It’s time that I set up a daily date with the Lord again. I’m not saying I never spend time in the Word, but it’s hit and miss these days. I’m giving myself all year to accomplish this goal. By the end of December 2008 my goal is to have a nice groove going for my quiet times. I realize there will probably be a lot of trial and error before I reach that point though.
• Read through the one year New Testament. I attempted this last year, but I missed a lot of passages. I think it’s mostly because I didn’t have a regular reading time. So I need to establish a regular time, and I will keep you updated on whether I’m sticking with it or not.
• Organize my prayer life. I’m really good at saying a quick prayer for someone who requests it. And I’m pretty good at heeding God’s voice when He’s telling me to pray. But I’m not very organized, and often I’ll think of someone and know I’m supposed to be praying, but I forget what I was supposed to be praying for. I want to set up a journal to keep track of prayer requests and answered prayers, so I can be more effective at remembering what I’m supposed to be praying for.

So on Mondays you can expect updates on whether I’m meeting my goals, as well as spiritual things that I’m grappling with, worship songs that are speaking to me, and things I’m learning. And if you have any suggestions as to how to meet some of the goals I’ve set, feel free to share what works for you!

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In the battle between what you feel and what the Word of God says, who do you listen to? Your feelings? Or God?

Our feelings change with the wind. They seem real, but they aren’t certain. God’s Word is always 100% true. 100% sure. 100% right.

Listen to God. He knows you. He loves you. And He will take care of you.

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I know I’m supposed to be taking Sundays off. But as I sit here alone tonight, I have Chris Tomlin’s version of Amazing Grace running through my head. I found a version of it on YouTube, and as I listened, my eyes welled up with tears just thinking about how amazing God’s grace truly is.

My chains are gone. I’ve been set free. My God, my Savior has ransomed me.

And I deserved none of it. And now I’m tearing up again. Have a blessed Sunday, and remember how precious you are in God’s eyes.

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 After missing last week’s Wrapped Emotions assignment, because I got too busy, I’m back on the bandwagon this week! Since we’re so close to Thanksgiving, this week’s project was about things we love.

What do you love today?

For this week’s prompt you will need to set aside a small block of uninterrupted time. *gasp* You can do it. You need to do it. Allow whatever amount of time you think it will take to complete the project. Get any art supplies ready ahead of time. Open your art journal to a clean page, date it and begin listing the things you love today…or whatever day you do the project.

No typing on the computer and printing words. It should be done in your handwriting. Make it neat, make it sloppy, make it uniquely yours. Doodle the words, fine line print, bold line print, scribble. Write horizontally, diagonally, backwards, upside down. Give the page some color and pop…paint the page first…collage the page first…color the page with marker. Do not be limited by these suggestions. But WRITE the lists…no typing and printing. What is important is that you know what you love today.

One more twist…in a creative way include a wrapper from one of the things you love today (or the day you do this). Remember, if a week’s project is not completed on an actual journal page, take the time to lovingly place each one into your art journal.

I love a lot of things, so it wasn’t hard to fill up a page. I chose a pale yellow background, because it’s one of my favorite colors these days. I like the sunny color when the weather outside is gloomy.

In the order listed, the things I love today are

Jesus

My Husband

My Daughter

My Son

Crisp Morning Air

Chocolate

Good friends

Worship Music

An engaging book

An encouraging note

Coffee

Fresh Flowers

Blogging

Wrapped Emotions

Life Itself

I say life itself, because we’re going through a really tough time right now with our finances, our schedule, and just knowing what the future is. Yet, I find that these days I have much joy. I’m thrilled that I’ve finally gotten to the place in my faith and in my life where I can rejoice in the midst of bad circumstances.

The “wrapper” I added was an encouraging postcard. It was the closest thing to a wrapper I could come up with. But this project is all about creativity, right? So if I get creative in my definition of wrapper, we can just call it good.

There’s still time to participate in this week’s Wrapped Emotions assignment. It’s open to everyone, so what are you waiting for? Head over to Wrapped Emotions!

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I’ve been in a reflective mood lately, as often happens when I go through trials.  There’s just something about facing a seemingly unsurmountable circumstance that sends me flying into the arms of Jesus.

It’s time to get back to the basics, just living to please Him.  I long for the day when He will look into my face and say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Have a blessed week.

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I know it’s a little early to be thinking about Christmas, but it’s not too early to be thinking about Operation Christmas Child. Otherwise known as the Shoebox Ministry, Operation Christmas Child collects shoe boxes full of toys and miscellaneous other items for children overseas who would not otherwise receive any Christmas gifts.

This is a great way to teach your children about giving. Each year I fill up a box for a boy my son’s age and a girl my daughter’s age. I have my children help select items for the boxes and pack them up. It helps to remind my children that they are very blessed with the life they have here in America. It also helps bring home the fact that Christmas isn’t all about toys and candy. It’s about giving and celebrating Jesus.

If you’ve never heard about Operation Christmas Child, I encourage you to check it out. If you’d like to participate, but don’t know where the nearest collection center is, there is a zip code finder on the Operation Christmas Child website. The National Collection Week is November 12-19, which is coming up soon. So now is the time to get involved!

Visit Rocks in my Dryer for more tips!

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