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My almost 10 year old daughter Liz invited her best friend over to spend the night on Friday. It’s a bittersweet feeling to see them making their own fashion magazines, talking about what happens at school, and just….well, growing up.

I’ll admit that the teenage years scare me. I was a very strong-willed and moody teenage girl, and Liz is my mini-me. Seriously. I didn’t ever think I could have a child that was so much like me, but she is. In both good ways and bad. My mom laughs at me and says everything I ever did to her is coming back to bite me. I think she’s right.

My past clouds my view of Liz’s future sometimes. Since we are so much alike, I often worry that she’ll make some of the mistakes that I did. And I went through a pretty rebellious time during my college years. I can’t stand the thought of my sweet, innocent daughter experiencing the same self-inflicted pain that I did.

But just when my worries are about to get out of control, Liz does something to surprise me. In this case, it happened Friday night. Liz and her friend Ally were having a conversation about Barbies. It went something like this:

Ally: “I don’t like playing with Barbies anymore.”

Liz: “Me either.”

Ally: “Barbie clothes are just not modest.”

Liz: “Kind of like Bratz. They’re not modest either.”

Me: “So modesty is important to you?”

Ally: “Yes.”

Liz: “Not being modest is yucky.”

I have never been so proud of my daughter and her friend. They’re beginning to create their own identities at an age where peer pressure is strong. Clothing for 9 year old children continues to look more like clothing for teenagers. Children’s toys promote immodesty and s*xuality. And my daughter and her friend are choosing to stand together against the pressure.

Yes, Liz is strong willed. Yes, she has her own ideas. And she’s using these traits to her advantage. That’s my girl!

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My son is enamored with me lately. I’ve heard other moms talk about this, but I never gave it much thought. Until Saturday.

I was sitting at the computer trying to catch up on a few things. My husband was asleep on the couch behind me. And 5 year old Sam climbed into my lap. He has a knack for commanding my attention when he decides he wants it.

He leaned back and stared into my eyes. “Mama”, he asked, “How do you get married?”

“Well,” I replied, “You have to ask a girl to marry you first. Then you go to the church and have a wedding.”

Before I had a chance to explain that he needed to be 35 (maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration) before he gets married, he looked up at me and asked, “Marry me?”

I smiled and said, “Sam, I can’t marry you. I’m already married to daddy, and you can only marry one person.”

Sam’s face looked crestfallen. He glanced over at his sleeping dad.

Then he thought for a moment. Finally he said

I’m the prince and you’re the princess!

That boy. He has a solution for everything!

Photo by tanakawho.

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I gained a new appreciation for my daughter this week.  Tuesday evening was her parent-teacher conference.  I was a little apprehensive.  You see, up until this year she’s been receiving speech services at school.  She tends to process information a little bit differently…not necessarily bad…but differently.

An example.  In first grade her class had an assignment to take four pictures of a pumpkin and put them in order.  There was a seed, a sprout, a vine with a little pumpkin that looked kind of misshapen, and a big pumpkin.  And that’s the order you’d put them in, right?  Not Liz.  She put the small pumpkin after the big pumpkin.  When I asked her why she put them in that order, she answered, “First is the seed, then the seed sprouts, then the pumpkin grows, and then the pumpkin rots.”  And when I looked at it again, the pumpkin did indeed look like it was rotting.

At the end of last year, her speech therapist felt that her speech and processing were no longer affecting her schoolwork.  So beginning this year, Liz’s fourth grade year, she is on her own.  No IEP.  Which means I have less control.  Pretty scary for a control freak mom.

So yes, I was apprehensive walking into the parent teacher conference.  I didn’t know what to expect.  The teacher greeted us and told us what a joy it was to have Liz in her class.  She told us that Liz was having a little trouble in math (not a surprise), but that she was excelling in all other subjects.  She boasted about Liz’s writing.  She told us how even the music teacher had given Liz an “S+”, when almost all students get an “S” in music.

She went on to tell us how self-disciplined Liz is.  How she always buckles down and does her work.  Liz is a responsible student, who has lots of friends.  By the end of the conference, Liz was beaming.  And I was too.

When I got home, I began to think about all the things the teacher had said.  And I wondered why I hadn’t noticed them before.  Liz is self-disciplined.  She does work hard.  She’s always singing.  And she loves to write.

But sometimes I get bogged down in day to day life.  Sometimes self-discipline looks like rigidity.  Sometimes working hard on her latest writing project turns into a battle about whether or not she needs to pack it in for the night and go to sleep.  And sometimes her music is…loud.

It’s all about perspective.  And sometimes it’s good to hear someone else’s perspective on my daughter, so I can fully appreciate who my daughter really is….a hard worker, a writer, a musician.  I’m glad I had the opportunity to see a picture of Liz through her teacher’s eyes.

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A debate came up on a parenting message board that I frequent about Bratz dolls. It wasn’t a heated debate or anything, but we were discussing whether we liked the Bratz dolls, whether we allowed our daughters to play with them, and why we liked or didn’t like them.

My daughter has never owned a Bratz doll. Fortunately she thinks they’re a little creepy looking, so we never had a huge battle about it in our house. But even if she liked them, I still wouldn’t buy Bratz for her.

I don’t like the name “Bratz” at all. I don’t want my daughter to think that being bratty is a good thing. The name “Bratz” in and of itself has connotations of rebellion against authority. Not something I want to encourage in my daughter. Sure, I want her to question authority if the authority goes against her beliefs. Even if she has questions about what the pastor is preaching about on a given Sunday, I want her to be able to look in the Bible herself. But when she questions authority, I want her to be respectful. I don’t want her to be, well, bratty.

I also have a problem with the faces on the Bratz dolls. Most of them are wearing far too much makeup. And when you add the pouty, diva-like expression on the faces of the Bratz, it’s just too much. I think there’s something to be said for role-playing teenage and adult years with dolls, but I’d like for that role-playing to be wholesome. Why are we encouraging our girls to act bratty, to wear too much eye makeup, to be a diva?

And finally there are the clothes. I understand that there are some Bratz dolls out there with acceptable clothing, but there are an awful lot with skimpy skirts. I’ve already posted my feelings about the over-s*xualization of girls these days. I want my girl to stay young as long as she can. There will be plenty of days ahead where she’ll have to face the pressure of boyfriends, s*x, and all that goes along with it. For now, I want her to focus on being a girl, not on being a woman.

If you’re looking for an alternative to Bratz dolls, I highly recommend the Only Hearts Club dolls, which can be found at

Target. These dolls look like girls. They act like girls. There are even short stories that go along with this set, so girls can read about girls. The Only Hearts Club girls ride horses, take ballet, and go hiking. They don’t wear too much makeup. And for the most part (there are a few exceptions), they wear modest clothing.So what do you think? Do you like Bratz dolls? Do you let your daughter play with them? Why? Why not?

This post was written for the Mothers and Daughters Blog Carnival. There’s still time to participate! Submit your blog post here.

Bratz doll photo by bjortklingd.

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My daughter lost a tooth today at the orthodontist’s office. She was thrilled. The tooth fairy was coming to visit! I was scared to death! I ALWAYS forget to perform my tooth fairy duties, and I was so tired today, I knew it wouldn’t be at the top of my list of things to do tonight.

I suggested that my daughter write a note to the tooth fairy and leave it in a fairly prominent place in the house. You see, the tooth fairy has forgotten her before. I know. It’s sad, and you can pass me the bad mom award. I just can’t seem to get the tooth fairy thing together.

Anyway, back to my story. I had my daughter write a note to the tooth fairy, so the tooth fairy wouldn’t get lost trying to find her bedroom. It worked. My daughter enjoyed making a little note for the tooth fairy, and I have a nice reminder to swap out the tooth for the money before I go to bed tonight. Maybe the tooth fairy will even write a short note back.

I wish I would have thought of this before, as my daughter is just about through losing teeth. At least I know better for my son.

For more great ideas visit Rocks in my Dryer!

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It used to be so easy. I’d go to the infant section of the department store and pick up anything cute and pink. And there was so much selection. Cute little rompers, sundresses, floppy hats…..it’s so fun to shop for a baby.

Then my baby girl turned into a toddler. Shopping was still easy. Toddler clothes are really cute. The only thing difficult about shopping for toddler clothes, is that sometimes my toddler insisted that she needed an ugly Elmo t-shirt that I really hated. But that was the worst of it.

When Liz was too big for toddler clothes, shopping started to get interesting. It seems that clothes for girls in size 4-6X are geared more towards high schoolers than children. Suddenly I was starting to worry about how short skirts were and whether or not my daughter’s belly showed when she put her arms above her head. I found that stores like Gymboree and the Children’s Place were excellent for buying cute, modest clothing. Of course I always bought on clearance.

Then Liz went from a size 6X to an 8 and now a 10. I thought buying little girl clothes was bad. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. Girl’s size 8-14 clothes are infinitely worse than the little girl clothes. Long skirts? Forget it! Modest swimsuits? Nearly impossible to find. It doesn’t help that Liz is skinny with long legs, so everything is short on her anyway. And she hates to shop. And she’s starting to get particular about her clothes.

No longer can I just run to the store and pick out clothes for her. Now she needs to come with me to try things on. I make her raise her hands up to make sure her belly doesn’t show. She bends over to make sure her underwear, or worse, doesn’t show. She sits down to make sure her skirt doesn’t ride up. We talk about modesty. A lot.

I get angry sometimes. We want our daughters to be taken seriously. To be appreciated for who they are and what they think. We want to remove ourselves from the days when a woman was judged solely on how she looked.

Yet it seems that all clothing is designed to draw attention to a young woman’s body. How can we possibly teach our daughters that looks aren’t what is important when everything in the store says looks are all that matter?

Fortunately Liz is on board with me. She understands the need for modesty. Yes, we have had many shopping trips that end with both of us frustrated because we can’t find what we want. But we don’t give up.

Recently I became aware of Moms for Modesty. The Moms for Modesty Mission Statement is as follows:

• As a Mom for Modesty I believe in common-sense modesty for girls and young women.
• I believe in refraining from s*xualizing our girls and young women.
• I believe that it is unwise and unfair to taunt boys and young men by permitting my daughter(s) to dress in an immodest manner.
• I believe that true beauty comes from within and I strive to teach my daughter(s) this truth.
• I will loyally shop at retailers that provide girls’ and young womens clothing that is modest, affordable and stylish.

I wholeheartedly agree, and I will be proudly displaying the Moms for Modesty button on my sidebar from here on out. I want my nine year old daughter to look nine. Not twenty-six.

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I’m so excited to be hosting the Carnival of Mothers & Daughters this week! All of the submitted posts are excellent, so make sure you take the time this week to read through them all! Let’s get to it!

Shalene Kearney presents a beautiful poetic tribute to her mother in Proverbs31WomanWannaBe: Dear Mama (A Poem Just For My Mom) posted at Proverbs31WomanWannaBe.

Shannon tells us about the unexpected blessings of a girl with Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice posted at Rocks In My Dryer.

A Poodle Tale is a humorous story told by Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.

Have you ever wondered what the Disney Princesses actually do?  Find out at Miscellaneous Adventures of an Aussie Mum: What would the resume of a Disney Princess look like? posted at Miscellaneous Adventures of an Aussie Mum.

Kim tackles an important issue with HPV vaccine: Yes? or No?  at TheBitterBall.

TaunaLen presents The Rhythm of Parenting Teenagers posted at TaunaLen.  I love the way she describes parenting during the teenage years!  I’m not there yet, but I’m going to remember her post when I get there!

Deb presents Taking sides at Mom Of 3 Girls.  I’ve always wondered what it would be to be a mom of 3.  Deb gives a pretty good description!

SingForHim writes about an important lessons she learned at Victory Through Failure posted at Real Life.

Have you every wondered what’s great about having girls?  Carrie tells us with her post  Thursday Thirteen at Chocolate the Other white meat.

Donetta demonstrates God’s power with Thank You Mother posted at A Life Restored.

Julie Arduini presents Mothers and Daughters Carnival: Overcoming in My Family posted at The Surrendered Scribe.  This is another great testimony to the power of the Lord.

Thank you to all who participated this week!  The next carnival will be in two weeks, and you can submit your articles here.

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Late last year my daughter Liz started going through the dreaded puberty. I’m not sure she was dreading it, but I sure was. You see, I grew up in a household where we didn’t talk. I remember my mom handing me a box of pads and saying, “You might need these at some point.” I was determined to be more open with my children, but I didn’t know how. To make things even more difficult, my daughter is even more introverted than I am, and she doesn’t ask a lot of questions.

As I watched Liz’s body start to change, I knew I needed to talk to her. I just needed to figure out a way where we’d both be comfortable. Enter The Lily Series.

I first found out about the Lily Series while looking on Amazon for a book about puberty that would reflect a Godly perspective. I came across The Body Book by Nancy Rue and ordered it. The Body Book is written in a magazine style format, with questions and answers, quizzes, and even room to journal. The best part is that it’s written from a Christian perspective. Chapters include When Your Period’s a Pain, Keeping Abreast, and Don’t Trash Your Temple. Liz and I read through the book together, and we talked. Several times since then, I’ve caught her reading the book in bed. I’m glad she’s better informed than I was.

I could stop there, but I’ve since discovered that The Body Book is part of a whole series of books. Non-fiction books include The Beauty Book, The Walk-the-Walk Book, and The Buddy Book. Each non-fiction book has a fiction book that can be read in conjunction with it. The fiction books are about a girl named Lily, who struggles with the issues dealt with in the non-fiction books. I think it’s a brilliant concept, and reading these books with my daughter works for me!

For more great tips, head to Rocks In My Dryer.

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Four years ago, when Liz was 5 and Sam was 1, Liz was feeling a little left out of the family.  She had just started kindergarten, and her baby brother was demanding a lot of my attention.  I knew I had to do something to strengthen our mother-daughter bond, and the idea of the Mother-Daughter Slumber Party was born.

Liz was ecstatic to think that we’d have our own private slumber party!  We went to Video World and rented a Care Bears cartoon.  We popped popcorn, parked our sleeping bags in front of the TV, and settled in for the night.  Sam was banished to the crib under my husband’s care, and my husband was banished to the bedroom.  It was a girl’s night.  And it was a hit.

We’ve had several slumber parties since then.  We’ve watched Madeline, Freaky Friday, and several other movies.  We always pop popcorn, and we always sleep in the living room.  Just now I was asking Liz if she remembered some of the details from our first slumber party.  Her eyes lit up, and she asked, “When are we going to have another one?”

It’s been a while.  So we scheduled one.  Our next Mother-Daughter Slumber Party will be Friday, September 29.  We won’t be having popcorn this time, because Liz now has braces.  I can’t believe she’s growing up so quickly, and I’m glad she still thinks having a sleepover with mom is cool.  So don’t expect to hear from me that Friday night.  I’m spending time with my daughter.

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Motherhood is gazing with love at your child’s face.

Motherhood is kissing the owies and making them better.

Motherhood is packing a lunch with love, making sure your child’s body and spirit are nurtured.

Motherhood is encouraging your children in their strengths.

Motherhood is helping your children overcome their weaknesses.

Motherhood is disciplining your children, so they will grow up to be a responsible adults.

Motherhood is driving your children to soccer practice, dance recitals, and swimming lessons.

Motherhood is passing up the new purse in favor of buying your children the new shoes they need.

Motherhood is being the adult and speaking calmly, even when you want to scream.

Motherhood is asking for forgiveness from your children when you forget you’re the adult and scream.

Motherhood is making decisions based not on what feels good at the moment, but based on what is important for your child’s future.

Motherhood is crying with your daughter when she’s been rejected by a friend.

Motherhood is sitting up all night with your son when he has a high fever.

Motherhood is training your children to resist peer pressure and make good decisions for themselves.

Motherhood is forgiving your children when they make bad decisions.

Motherhood is constantly being on your knees in prayer for the welfare of your children.

Motherhood is tough.

Motherhood is unselfish.

Motherhood is exhausting.

Motherhood is the most rewarding thing a woman can do.

Motherhood is completely worth every moment.

This post is part of the Group Writing Project at MamaBlogga.

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